Sunday, January 22, 2006
met abby and ele at macs.
ate BIG breakfast.
met up with joel and sh.
went tp open house.
zZzz.
gerald came meet us.
went queensway.
tiok ps by sion.
went town.
watched movie.
took neoprints.
went home.
sometimes i dont get it. i think i have split personality. me on de OUTSIDE and de INSIDE me.
OUTSIDE me --> always happy, cheerful, out-going, open, friendly, noisy, sporty, rough, stubborn at times, takes teases/insults jokingly, makes friends fast, click well with most ppl.
INSIDE me --> sensitive, cries easily, feel hurt, more quiet
de thing is.. i cant show my inside to others.
my outside self is a barrier.
its like having a split personality.
u cant be 2 at de same time.
maybe its possible.
so i'm trying.
ppl just dun know how sensitive i am.
de outside me will laugh off at teases
de inner me cried.
de outer me is too rowdy and chorlor therefore branded as ah lian or a guy
de inner me is damn sad about de way ppl brand me.
its like, de ultimate insult to a gal is to say she's a guy.
and i get dat all de time.
of cuz i know everyone's jk.
dats y de outside laugh with de joke.
but de hurt resides deep inside.
its not dat i nv tried.
i tried.
but like i said.
de outer is a barrier.
like, i can want to badly say thank you to someone.
but de hands of de OUTSIDE feels like its covering my INNER me's mouth.
i can so badly wanna lower my voice.
but my outer me seems to have just FIX dat volume.
i so wanted to be more demure.
but me on de outside just cant do it.
i dunno why.
i have so much to say.
i talked to abby over de phone just now.
for 2 and a half hrs.
and cried for dat time.
but i cant seem to phrase them out here.
i dunno how.
but i know for sure.
i'm trying to change myself.
i'm trying to let part of de INNER me come out.
its gonna be hard.
but yea.
i know i can do it.
i shall try to be more inner me.
from today onwards.
and hopefully.
by the end of this yr.
i wont have split personality anymore.
i'll be free.
maybe its like wad gerald said
my inner me is caused by how ppl treat me.
and how ppl treat me is caused by de outer me.
me_________`e-leen *
12:34 AM
